The Blog

What Is My Puppy Thinking?

While I am interested, more then I should be, about how people think and why they do the things they do — I’m more interested in what my puppy thinks. There was a time when I never gave it a second thought. But then that changed. It changed once I saw how excited my puppy would get over a ball. Just a small yellow ball. She will bring the ball to me, place it at my feet, and then stare at me with what appears to be excitement in her eyes and a swing in her tail. I grab the ball and she goes nuts. Waiting for me to throw it. And when I do, she runs after it full speed just to bring it right back so we can do it again.

To my puppy, this ball is the world to her — literally, it appears to be the only thing in the world for her at the moment. That is until she decides she’s done, then it has no value what so ever. That’s when I can hold up the ball to her and she looks at my like, “Call the cops, I don’t give a fuck.”

Sometimes, she picks up something in her mouth that she should not have and she will try to hide it from me. Pretends she doesn’t have anything. I don’t even have to say anything. I’ll just see her sneaking around and I’ll say, “Hey! What have you got? Drop it!” And she opens her mouth slowly and lets it fall out and looks at me as if to say, “What? I don’t have anything.” But this shows to me she knows the difference between right and wrong and she knows she’s been caught.

If she needs something from me she has a few choices. Sometimes she will bark to get my attention (especially if I appear to be ignoring her). Other times she will just jump up against me with her front paws to let me know she is there and wants something. And yet there are times where I will find her, in the other room, sitting in front of an empty food bowl, waiting for me to fill it. I’m not sure why she doesn’t bark to let me know she needs food — maybe it’s because she knows an empty bowl will get filled eventually.

But does she have a concept of time? She gets just as excited to see me when I’m gone 5 minutes or when I’m gone 5 days.

I’ve also seen, and heard, her dream. Sometimes she barks, quietly or loudly, sometimes she moves her feet as if she is running. Is she dreaming about chasing a ball? Does she know she is dreaming? Or does it seem like real life?

I’ve read/heard that dogs never grow out of the “human toddler” stage, and I get that. I see that. Basic understanding of her world, but still not smart enough to know that I can hear her go into the kitchen (where she is not supposed to be) and be surprised when I yell, “Out of the kitchen!”

But what is she thinking? She obviously knows some right from wrong, but does she have morals? Does she worry about getting lost outside and not finding her way home? Is she afraid of getting hurt? Or killed? Does she even know she is going to die someday? Does she know she is growing old? Does she have a god? Am I her god?

What if, deep down, people are the same way? Where is my ball? Where is that one thing that, when placed at my feet, makes my eyes light up with excitement — so much excitement that I feel like I’m going to explode? And if I find it, will I, just as fast, loose interest in it?

I know some things are wrong, or bad for me, but I do them anyway.

I’m not always conscious of the passage of time.

I speak when I need somethings, but sometimes I’ll just wait without making a sound.

I dream.

And I sometimes wonder, what does my puppy think?

The Regis Jack Experience

TRJE 287: Exploration of Nothingness

This week “Is your boyfriend really 3 children in a trench coat?”, “What are people capable of?”, Masturbation, Suicide, and other FUN random stuff.

Photograph TRJE287 by Regis Jack on 500px

“You know you are an artist if you have to do art — it’s like breathing and you have no choice. Nothing should be able to stop you.” — Marina Abramovic

Art means different things to different people. Some art is only understandable by the artist. Art bring out feelings, from the artist and hopefully by people experiencing the art. Art can being out the best of someone, but it can also bring out the worst. Art is not always hugs and puppies. Art can be death.

The same goes for people.

You can find all links referred to in the show (well, some of them) on my twitter feed @regisjack.

This is episode #287 for Monday, May 18, 2015 and clocked in at 38 minutes, 06 seconds

The Blog

Wait … This Notification IS a Bitch

“I got a bitch who’s a man, because you’re bitches too!” – ICE T

A few weeks back, during my podcast episode #282: I got 99 Notifications and a Bitch Ain’t One”, I forgot to mention one very important issue with notifications — on your phone or your watch — and that’s dick pics.

When I say dick pics, I’m really referring to any sort of notification (picture or text) that, when it appears on the screen of your phone/watch with a preview, can cause embarrassment, harassment charges, providing porn to a minor charge, relationship issues, termination of employment, or other legal/personal issues.

Let me provide some examples:

  • Let’s say you are at a PTA meeting with your 6 year old child, your life partner, and the teacher, when some person sends a picture of their junk — well, that’s an awkward conversation, especially if it’s the teachers SO’s junk.
  • It can be pictures of vagina, tits, ass, asshole, or any combination of these — while your are in the church.
  • A simple text from your pharmacy saying your Viagra is ready to pick up — this is embarrassing when your older and trying told date a younger woman.
  • Maybe you get a text from your girlfriend saying she’s pregnant with your child and she wants to marry you — while you are at lunch with your wife.
  • Any inappropriate picture, text, or meme during a job interview or performance evaluation — these tend to come from your “friend/podcaster who has access to, and loves to send offensive memes.

I know some of you are saying, “But I don’t get or send stuff like that.” And I believe you. But that doesn’t stop some spammer from sending that out (or an “inappropriate friend” for that matter) in the near future.

I turn off preview of all messages on my iPhone, but I can’t turn off preview of other services, including mail, so those will always show too much on the screen. This is why I turn notifications off most of the time.

I’m just saying be careful out there. Tits on the wrist may sound cool, but poorly timed, can really hurt you.

The Blog

Multitasking is Fucking Difficult

The other day I grabbed a cookie — an E.L. Fudge Double Stuff (the original) — what I call the hallucination cookie. I call it that because if you eat a few of these cookies, then take a nap on my couch, you will have a vision of things to come. Anyway, with that cookie in my right hand, it suddenly occurred to me that I had a dime in my left pants pocket. This was because I had a dollar earlier and used it to get M&M’s (plain of course) out of the snack food machine at work and that was my change. It’s so rare for me to have any change. I almost never use cash anymore. Only for junk food and cheap hookers. Because of this my CoinStar change bag (which I received from CoinStar because I registered with them online — many years ago) is almost empty and has remained that way for the past two years. I was excited to put my dime in it. So with my dime in my left hand and my cookie in my right, I approached the bag, put the dime in my mouth and started to put the cookie in the bag.

Side note: I just realized that the word “multitasking” is really “mul tit asking” which almost means “to think about asking to see your tits”.

The Regis Jack Experience

TRJE 286: Spoiler: Captain America is Transgender

This week Avengers Age of something, UnAmericans, Testicles, Free Speech, and other random stuff.

Photograph TRJE286 by Regis Jack on 500px

Michelangelo was a painter, sculpture, poet, architect, and engineer. Michelangelo is a ninja turtle. That’s why in the Lego Movie you hear God say, “Michelangelo, Michelangelo” as he introduces them to each other.

  • Note: This makes more sense if you hear it aloud, then reading it. And really only if you pronounce the names correctly. Listen to the start of the podcast to hear what I mean.

There are 2 things you should note from this episode, and pretty much every episode of the Regis Jack Experience. #1, the ’show notes’ in the blog post for each episode is almost never actually show notes, just some exposition I felt I needed to do. #2, the picture posted in the blog is almost always unrelated to the content of the post or podcast episode. #3, much like The Doctor, I always lie. And finally, #D, the show is recorded in 3 parts, the cold open, the introduction, and the “show” — the show is always one take, no edits, and whatever comes out of my mouth stays in the podcast. So please forgive me if sometime the show makes no sense. Not even I know what I’m going to say each week.

You can find all links referred to in the show (well, some of them) on my twitter feed @regisjack.

This is episode #286 for Monday, May 11, 2015 and clocked in at 32 minutes, 00 seconds